Tuesday, August 13, 2013
I am tired.
I am tired of the "Mommy wars" - seriously are there not bigger problems in the world?
I am tired of being asked when I am going back to work. Truth is I don't know - I am enjoying being at home with the Bumper and I would like to find a way to earn a living from home.
I am tired of being asked when I am going to wean the Bumper. Truth is I don't know -- We have both been through a lot in the past year and we have had a lot of trauma and drama. The last thing I want to do is upset her further by abruptly cutting her off from her only consistent form of comfort before she is ready.
I am tired of the Bumper testing me at every turn. I know she is only 2 and a half, but can't Mommy get a break?
I am tired of being asked when I am going to get a divorce. Things are really complicated right now and I don't have a ready answer.
I am tired of my Christian friends asking me when I am just going to forgive the Bumper's dad and get back together like God intended. Wow! I am so glad they have a mainline on what God is thinking and wants for me -- I sure wish I did! Oh and last time I checked marriage was a sacred covenant, an equal partnership, not an excuse for abuse.
I am tired of being the good one, taking the Bumper to visit while her dad is sick-- sometimes I feel like I want revenge for all of the meanness. Sigh -- I know vengeance is mine says the Lord.
I am tired of not having enough time to get everything done in a day -- the housework, resume posting, job searching, taking care of the Bumper, writing on my new novel, crochet and pleasure reading.
I am tired of being tired - I want an uninterrupted eight hours of sleep -- for several nights!
Sometimes I just need to vent. On the days when I feel like this I try to take some time out and pray, read the Bible or just count to ten and remind myself I can start me day over anytime I want.
I will be back to regular posting soon. I have a lot of things I want to write about, it is just a matter of writing them down.
Today I have found Psalms 39, 40 and 70 quite encouraging.