Thursday, August 22, 2013

Lazy Days

The Bumper has had so much fun this past week. She has had her favorite babysitter over every single day. They have gone to the park, played with her blocks, colored, played in the back yard, chased each other around the house and generally done all the things kids should do on summer break.
I have been using this time to put out resumes and write, or at least that is what I had planned to do. Ah! planning, when will I ever learn? The Bumper's babysitter is only 14yrs old. I had forgotten what it was like being 14. I had also forgotten that 14yr old boys also need to be taken care of. Throw a bored younger brother into the mix, and it all adds up to a busy week for me, because instead of one child I had three! So in reality I wrote one short story and have almost completed one job application. The rest of the time I have been playing referee.
Yesterday we went to see the Bumper's dad. He is doing much better. He can speak reasonably clearly now, although his voice still sounds hollow and far away. The Bumper was able to play hide and seek with him. She did all the hiding and seeking, but he was able to count to ten, for her. The Bumper took delight in being strong enough to push him down the hallway in his wheelchair. These visits are a bit of a trial for me because I am waiting for the nastiness ( the form of accusations an ride comments from him) to begin again. Yet, I am glad the visits give the Bumper such pleasure.

I have decided to go back to being a vegetarian with the goal of being vegan for a while. My body feels so much better when I eat that way. Tomorrow I will be trying to come up with something healthy and delicious and vegan for a party I am going to. The Bumper's babysitter has already requested vegan snicker doodles, I wonder what else I can come up with?




Monday, August 19, 2013

I am back

Sometimes I get so busy living that I don't get a chance to blog. We came back from St. Louis and I have been busy ever since. First the Bumper, then Nana and I got sick, to get ready for Bumper's first day of pre-school , then I had I had some personal stuff to take care of and so with this that and the other I suddenly realized it had been well over a month since my last post.  Yikes! That being said over the next week I am going to play catch up.

The St. Louis Trip:

Nana and I decided it was high time the Bumper met her relatives, so we packed up the car and drove 15hrs. To visit my aunt and uncle in St. Louis. This was the first time we had ever travelled such a distance with the Bumper. All did not necessarily go well, on the trip out there. We ran into some late night fog in West Virginia and had to spent the night in the car at a rest stop. I think the only person who slept well was the Bumper, because she was in her car seat!. The next day we stopped off in Columbus OH, to visit some old friends of Nana's. The Bumper fell in love with them, and now she has a new set of surrogate grandparents.! They were so thoughtful! Ruby and her husband Gene, made sure the guest room where the Bumper and I stayed came equipped with kid-friendly storybooks for nighttime reading and they took her to a local playground so she had a change to have some fun. The next day we went to St. Louis and the Bumper met Aunt Jean and Uncle Nathan, but more importantly the Bumper met her cousin PJ. She liked him right away and he took to her as well. I will say however, that what the Bumper liked best at Aunt Jean and Uncle Nathan's was the Trampoline! She stayed on that thing for what seemed like three days straight!.


Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Just Tired

I am tired.
I am tired of the "Mommy wars" - seriously are there not bigger problems in the world?
I am tired of being asked when I am going back to work. Truth is I don't know - I am enjoying being at home with the Bumper and I would like to find a way to earn a living from home.
I am tired of being asked when I am going to wean the Bumper. Truth is I don't know -- We have both been through a lot in the past year and we have had a lot of trauma and drama. The last thing I want to do is upset her further by abruptly cutting her off from her only consistent form of comfort before she is ready.
I am tired of the Bumper testing me at every turn. I know she is only 2 and a half, but can't Mommy get a break?
I am tired of being asked when I am going to get a divorce. Things are really complicated right now and I don't have a ready answer.
I am tired of my Christian friends asking me when I am just going to forgive the Bumper's dad and get back together like God intended. Wow! I am so glad they have a mainline on what God is thinking and wants for me -- I sure wish I did! Oh and last time I checked marriage was a sacred covenant, an equal partnership, not an excuse for abuse.
I am tired of being the good one, taking the Bumper to visit while her dad is sick-- sometimes I feel like I want revenge for all of the meanness. Sigh -- I know vengeance is mine says the Lord.
I am tired of not having enough time to get everything done in a day -- the housework, resume posting, job searching, taking care of the Bumper, writing on my new novel, crochet and pleasure reading.
I am tired of being tired - I want an uninterrupted eight hours of sleep -- for several nights!
Sometimes I just need to vent. On the days when I feel like this I try to take some time out and pray, read the Bible or just count to ten and remind myself I can start me day over anytime I want.
I will be back to regular posting soon. I have a lot of things I want to write about, it is just a matter of writing them down.
Today I have found Psalms 39, 40 and 70 quite encouraging.