"Me Time"

As a new mother ( although given Bumper is 17month I feel like a veteran) time to myself is practically non-existent. I used to find time for myself in the shower, but Bumper has decided to join me more often than not.( i take the opportunity to explain that mama takes a bath just like Bumper does) I used to go to the bathroom by myself, but the Bumper has decided to join me more often than not. (I, through gritted teeth, tell her someday she will be a big girl and use the potty like mama) I used to have early morning prayer - journal- blog time but--Hey wait I am doing that now *YAY* 15 stolen minutes that are mine all mine BWHAHAH!
In all seriousness I have discovered the need to refresh and renew each day; whether that is a snatched moment of silent prayer early in the morning, or taking Bumper on a walk so she will fall asleep in her stroller, or reading after she has gone to bed for the night.
When I take these moments I can then be more present for my little one. I can be patient, gentle, kind and understanding... at least most of the time.

Ten Things I am Grateful For Today

1.God's Love
2. My daughter "the Bumper"
3. Family willing to take me in
4. Bible devotions
5. Warm sunshine.
6. Food to eat.
7. Clean water to drink.
8. Clean clothes to wear.
9. The ability to smile and laugh.
10. A cozy bed t sleep in tonight.

I am blessed and God is good.

Kim

Thoughts on Love and Marriage

 M and I are redefining our relationship. Right now we are in a separation. We both have a lot of things we need to work through. Our relationship has been severely damaged. I left because I couldn't stand being abused verbally and emotionally. I know there are some in the Christian community who would say I have not given our marriage a chance, and that I should stay with my husband. This is something I struggle with daily. I wanted so much to be a Titus 2 woman, a Proverbs 31 wife and a keeper at home. I often second guess myself, but at the same time I know God did not create marriage for suffering and abuse. A marriage should be joyful -- not always happy -- but always loving. I believe in Biblical headship, I wanted my husband to be the head of our family and to lead us in prayer and faith and worship. BUT that is not the man I married. In my experience he asked for servility not submission, humiliation rather than humility. He even began to use my faith against me. I have my faults, make no mistake, I am a sinner redeemed by Christ and that does not mean I will not continue to stumble and fall during my walk with him. I take heart from second Timothy: 1:7.

A Random Act of Kindness

Yesterday my mom and I took the Bumper to see her pediatrician in Virgina. I t was a three hour drive and the poor little mite got carsick. She upchucked all of the nice hearty breakfast she'd eaten.  So there we were frantically trying to soothe, calm, and clean a frightened little girl on someones front lawn, when the owner of the house drove up. Instead of getting angry that a couple of strangers were changing a baby's diaper in front of her house, she offered to help! The woman asked if we were okay and did we need anything like water or towels. We said no, but we were very happy to have been asked. The kindness of strangers: who knew? That chance encounter set the tone for the rest of the day. The Bumper was fine by the time we got to the doctor's, she got to see M and thoroughly enjoyed being the center of attention for four adults. Sometimes it only takes a small thing to restore faith.

Kim

A Reason to Smile

Yesterday afternoon the Bumper and I went to the local zoo. The unusually warm late February weather beckoned us forth and out we went. We strolled in the sunshine and the Bumper chased geese, squawked at Flamingos and generally enjoyed herself. I was such fun to to watch her reaction to each of the new animals she came across. My one regret is I forgot to bring my camera.
She is my joy, and delight. I am truly blessed to be her mother.

Kim

Shrove Tuesday

This was my first time attending a Shrove Tuesday pancake supper. My parish didn't offer confession, but I made a private one in prayer this morning. The Bumper had so much fun!. The Bumper got to try waffles for the first time, and her little eyes went wide with delight (She was so cute making her little mmm sounds). The best part of the evening for me was watching her chase balloons and dance to the music they had playing in the church hall. Tomorrow the season of prayer, penance and alms giving begins. Tonight I am asking God to prepare my heart this Lenten season, so that I may rejoice come Easter tide.

Kim

Fear and Faith

Love shouldn't hurt. A person should never be afraid of his or her spouse. Well my husband has never hit me, but he has hurt me. He has made me feel small and unimportant. He has made me feel incompetent. The kicker is: I LET HIM!
I trusted him with my innermost thoughts, and feelings, and he turned them against me. I am trying to recover, but it is so very hard and I am scared. I am so fearful that I am unable to sleep at night. I am still very much afraid of my husband. My reaction to him at this weekend's visit showed me how much of my power I have given away.
When he left after visiting with our daughter, I was shaking and crying. He got so very angry at such a simple thing. He threw her stuff on the ground and called me a liar before getting into his car and driving away.
These are not the actions of a Christ centered man. I do not want my daughter growing up thinking that abusive behaviour is normal.